Episode 69 - Summer Bodies, Body Image & Self-Worth with Amrit Babbra

As summer approaches, so does the pressure to have the “perfect summer body.” In this season finale, we’re having an honest conversation about body image, diet culture, self-worth, and the emotional impact of constantly feeling like we need to change ourselves to be accepted.

Joined by therapist Amrit, we explore why this time of year can feel especially triggering, how social media and comparison affect our mental health, and healthier ways to think about our bodies beyond appearance alone. We also talk about weight loss, confidence, body neutrality, and how to stop putting life on pause while waiting to feel “good enough.”

This episode is a reminder that your worth is not measured by your size, and you deserve joy, connection, and self-compassion exactly as you are.

Thank you for being part of season 2 — we’ll see you after the summer break for season 3.

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If you're looking for a therapist and live in Ontario, feel free to visit our website here or contact us at hello@newmooncounselling.com to work with one of our team members. If you reside outside of Ontario, a quick Google search will help you find a therapist near you!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Registered social worker and donor of any of my out of the office of the mom, wife, daughter, sister, and join me each week as I've seen the special test to discuss everyday things about after mental health. We'll be chatting about everything from mental health and relationships to media and critical, as well as personal experiences and reflections. All in the hope of normalizing our humanness and helping you see that you're not alone. This is Outside the Therapy Room. Hi everyone, welcome back to Outside the Therapy Room. This is our last episode of season two. Bittersweet, but we are very excited to kind of be off for the summer. And speaking of which, our episode today is more focused on the summer. I don't know about you guys, but I keep getting kind of bombarded with, you know, if you start now, then in 10 weeks or in four weeks, you'll have a summer body. And it's a lot, and it can be a lot and very triggering for a lot of people. And so today I have Amrit here with us to talk a little bit about summer body theme and just, you know, kind of learning to be kinder to ourselves and our bodies. Welcome, Amrit, to our podcast. How are you?

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Hello, thank you. I am good. Thank you for having me here today. And hello, everyone listening in. So, yeah, my name is Amrit. I just want to do a little intro before we get started in the podcast today. So I am a registered social worker in Ontario and a therapist with more of an approach on attachment and emotional connection and following more of that humanistic perspective in my work. And I did recently join Human Counseling. So here I support couples, teens, and individuals. Very excited and looking forward to joining this conversation today. Personally, you know, I am someone who regularly listens to many different podcasts and audiobooks. And I find it so refreshing to be able to focus on just one of our senses, hearing, and to be able to absorb so much insight from others. It's actually quite amazing how much you can learn by simply just hearing and listening. And so I guess we're already good at that with our line of work.

unknown 2:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

And I think podcasts are just an incredible entertaining space as well for a lot of folks. Some of the therapist stories I've heard in previous episodes have been truly wild, but perhaps those are stories we can maybe save for another future episode. But for now, I'm just grateful to be here and getting things started today.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Thank you. Yeah, no, thank you so much. It is, I think, you know, podcasts and audiobooks are so fun because you can multitask sometimes. Like, you know, you can pop your headphone in and just kind of feel comforted by what you're listening to. And I think I know for myself, listening to podcasts, I feel less alone sometimes when I'm hearing, you know, that people are kind of going through things that I am or are enjoying something as much as I am. So it's really cool. So thank you so much for being here. Um, as you mentioned, you are new to our team. Um, and so I'm very excited to have you here just for folks to kind of get to meet you, some of our listeners. But I think also our topic today um is just it can be very heavy because obviously, you know, there's like this pressure. And I and I don't want to single out men to say like men don't feel this pressure because I think we all feel it, but a lot more times, or I guess in this conversation, we're gonna be focusing more on women. Um, and you know, feeling a lot of maybe body image issues, um, feelings of self-worth, focus on like weight loss. Like I said at the beginning on Instagram, like you're scrolling, and like there's an ad on like a fitness influencer being like, if you start with me, then in five or however many weeks, or by the beginning of summer, I can have you summer ready. What does that even mean? It can be so much and so difficult for us to um to escape. And so I think like every year, usually around the springtime, these messages start kind of getting very intense. Uh, summer body ready, lose 10 pounds, like all of this stuff. So, why do you think this season brings up so much anxiety about our appearance?

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Well, I think there's an understanding with the warmer weather, often meaning more body exposure, right? And this can look like um people being more self-conscious about the way that they're already looking coming out of winter, and a lot of comparison to folks that they see online relating to some of those Instagram posts you're sharing, um, and just other people that they're also connected with, seeing that play out on social media or on other platforms, and the way that we're always constantly um able to compare because it's there for us too. Um and I think it's also this idea that I personally relate to of it playing a role on how much we're exposed to. And I think personally relating to when I'm, you know, maybe coming out of winter wanting to shop for some clothes for summer or spring, there's this idea of how the body should look even when they're promoting the clothes on these um shopping websites. So I think there's an overall understanding of the way we should look and our appearance, and that carries a lot of pressure with it. Um so I think that all of that gets amplified during these months leading up to summer and leading up to spring. And so that pressure just increases for us, right? Um I don't think you know, just because um the temperature change that be that suddenly means our bodies are unacceptable. Um, but there is this big understanding in our world today that that is the case, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

And it's so hard. I think when you talk about like social media, like you know, there's a lot of social media marketing at play, and we're hearing a lot of influencers that we may follow use that language, like, I'm starting to hit the gym more because I want to be ready for summer or I want to like fit in that bathing suit or whatever the message is. And that can sometimes then trigger us to compare our bodies to theirs and the messaging that they're giving their followers, and then internalize that and into how we are viewing ourselves or how we think we are being viewed by other people. And it can just be really hard. And I and I think in a lot of episodes we talk about comparison, maybe having a big impact on our mental health, but I think the physical comparison, like you pointed out, it can be hard not to when we're constantly bombarded with images and messaging of this of this kind, right?

SPEAKER_03 7:35

Yeah, exactly. It's like there's a creation of these unrealistic beauty standards that we are quote unquote meant to follow, right? And we often, um, I think a lot of us can relate to or even have this experience of seeing there's some sort of reward on these online platforms when there's content related to appearance, right? That people get more likes or people get more engagement in their content because of the way that they are appearing. Um and you know, that can also fall into many different categories of not just the overall appearance, but um, you know, what kind of background you come from, what kind of um what kind of languages you're speaking, and things like that, I think can also fall into appearance and that first look of someone. Um but you know, there's also this uh undiscussed notion of many of these online things we see are filtered, right? And they are edited or strategically taken. So it looks like it's really, really nice, but the reality on the other side of the camera might look like something completely different. Yeah. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Yeah, and then we're like comparing ourselves with like not even realistic, you know, things, especially now with AI. Like you can change something so quickly just by typing a couple words in. And so it can, yeah, we're not even comparing ourselves with something that's real all the times. And there's so much like before and after content around too. And I like you pointed out, like bodies become more visible in the summer, right? It's hot, we're wearing less things. There's an expectation we're gonna be by the pool, so we have to dress a certain way. You know, there's just a lot. And I think this also starts at such a young age. I remember, you know, having as a kid, like a young teen or queen, being so nervous anytime we were getting close to the summer because pool parties, right? Like you would be invited. And then, you know, I remember like going to pool parties and just being wrapped up in a towel a lot of the time because there's a lot of like, again, like shame. Your bodies are just developing, like there was so much happening during that time. But then there's also like these comparisons and expectations of what your body should look like and comparisons that happen at that time too. So it's it's unfortunately something that all women, girls at a young age, it can start out now. They're saying there's a lot of research out there now that's saying, you know, this um I guess like issue with body image or or disliking bodies happens at a at a young, a much younger age than it used to.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Yes, absolutely. Yeah, I think there's so much truth in people even carrying memories of, you know, looking back at their younger years, maybe in in childhood or teens, like you're mentioning, and um have these memories around either being teased by for the way that they looked or bullying at school for the way that they looked, and just past insecurities connected to summer experiences. And that can bring up a lot of um past wounds that get opened again and kind of um reintroduce that shame over and over and keep someone in that cycle. Um, and yeah, it is very unfortunate that um it starts at a young age, right? And we're introduced to this um beauty standard at a very young age, especially in the female population. Um, and it's something that I think we just get more exposed to as we grow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Yeah. Again, we're talking about body image here, but there's so much like, you know, in terms of appearance, makeup, you know, like how we do our hair, like everything it kind of comes up. Oh man, it's so hard to be a woman. Like, you know, there was like that Barbie quote, like, right? We can't be, you know, if you're if you're too thin, then you're being told you're too thin. If you're, you know, it's like you're no one's ever happy. Like, right? There's no right or wrong place, or sorry, there's no right place to be. There's always some judgment that we're feeling towards ourselves or that's coming to us. Um, but you know, with a lot of a lot of the time we look at someone and they can appear very confident. Um, but internally they might be struggling with their own body image sometimes. Why do you think confident people sometimes struggle with body image also?

SPEAKER_03 12:22

Yeah, I think that's a great um way to look at it, right? That there can be a balance of confidence and insecurity at the same time or interchangeably for folks. And I think that's something that I've kind of noticed about myself personally, where um, you know, we can feel a sense of accomplishment or feel a sense of love by others and care by others, and still be struggling internally with different parts of our life, right? And so I think it's a very interchangeable uh feeling between confidence and insecurity. Um and more so the way we carry ourselves with it can either you know amplify our self-esteem or it can kind of hold us back. Um and I think that the whole understanding of body image and body image in general is such a fluctuating thing and is so dependent on um, you know, things like stress, um, hormones, life transitions, social experiences for a lot of us. So body image um can really fluctuate depending on all of these internal or external factors, which um just leaves us to say that it's it's not going to be a constant feeling of always being confident or always being insecure, but you know, both of them happening interchangeably.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

That's a good point. You're right. Like sometimes, you know, there's moments when you can feel really confident and be very, you know, more maybe body neutral or body positive towards yourself. And then there's other times when maybe that voice changes into a little bit more negative. So that's a good thing to kind of point out that you know it is like confidence and insecurity sometimes are both existing at different times.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

Yeah, absolutely. Um, I think people who appear confident also sometimes can internalize societal beauty standards that have been um engraved in us for quite some time, right? It's not like it's not um inevitably going to happen, but it's also I think taking a look at what is your definition of confidence and how you perceive confidence as a part of you. Um so regardless of that struggle being present, I think it's also the way we define some of these things for ourselves. Um, because I think that definition can definitely be subjective. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

No, you're yeah, I agree with that. Um, what would you say are some subtle signs that someone might be struggling with body image? I mentioned like for me and a lot of people, like wrapping ourselves in blankets or towels. Um, I've also heard from some people that they avoid some summer activities because maybe they feel uncomfortable with their bodies. What are some other what are some other signs?

SPEAKER_03 15:42

Yeah, I think what you mentioned there, the avoidance piece is is huge for folks that may be struggling with their body image. So um avoiding things like taking pictures, right? Uh avoiding certain swimwear to wear during summer months, or if you're going on a vacation. Um and I think there's also like a constant uh almost like obsession with checking in about your body. So um, you know, taking a look at how you look that day, but instead of doing it once or twice, maybe throughout the day you're doing it, you know, 10 to 15 times. Um, maybe you're changing your outfits a lot because you're uncomfortable with what you're wearing or you're changing your mind. Um, and we often see that there's there's a constant need um of validation or reassurance from others that um do I look okay? Or you know, we've heard it all before, do I look fat in this? Right. So that can that can often play a role with someone that might be struggling. Um I think of another big thing that is more vulnerable for folks to talk about is this um the struggle with being present during intimacy or intimate moments, um, or even like intimate events like weddings or things like that, uh, because of their of their worries around their appearance. Um I don't think that's solely you know very much talked about, but I think that is a very big thing people struggle with internally and don't really voice that to others. Um even if the other things that I mentioned can be some things that people can notice.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Yeah, and with that, with the intimacy piece, it's also like uncomf, like discomfort when we're being touched in certain places. Like, you know, a partner putting their arm around you might touch you in like your quote unquote love handles, and there may be a discomfort, like, don't touch me there. Or, you know, I've heard from from some clients, and you know, I've experienced this at some point in my life also of like, you know, your partner wants to put their hand on your tummy and you're like, no, don't touch my stomach, don't, don't touch. There can be like again a very um big discomfort with having um our partner or anybody kind of feel feel our bodies in in certain moments, right? And that that can impact the intimate moment.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Absolutely, yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

That's a great point. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Yeah. So we hear this phrase, this like summer body phrase. It gets thrown around constantly. What do you wish people understood about this kind of messaging?

SPEAKER_03 18:35

Oh, yes, the famous summer body uh definition, right? I think I have to say that bodies are not seasonal trends. Um they're not something that should be um, you know, changed with the seasons that we um encounter no matter where we are in the world. Um and there's like I said before, I think everybody is subjective, right? So I don't think there's a true definition of summer body. Um, everyone carries their own understanding of what summer body is. Um and the I think the body part can include so many different aspects. Um if we're not talking, you know, physically just about the body. So and and there's a there's like this idea with summer body that many people, you know, are saying, I'm gonna just postpone getting that dress until I can fit into it, or you know, I'm gonna um reschedule that outing with my friends for connection because I don't feel acceptable enough, right? Um, with my own skin and the way I look to myself, right? So there can be a lot of um uh barriers that come with the quote, quote unquote summer body. And I think taking a look at that as people who just say it without kind of understanding the label around it, yeah, can be detrimental a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

And like, what the heck is a summer body? To me, like a summer body is just anybody that is existing during the summer. Like, yeah, you know, why does it have to have this? I think, like, again, you know, through media, through social media, like it's just out there that you know, summer body means something and it looks a certain way. Um, and it's just frustrating because like your body should just exist. It's just your body existing in summer. And so just kind of kind of like having that level of acceptance, which I know can be can be hard and it takes a little bit of time to get there. But I think with what you mentioned, kind of like the, you know, um, and like the waiting, like I'm not gonna try on that dress until I've reached this way or until I look a certain way. There's uh like a diet culture then kind of plays a role in that kind of mentality. Um, and so like what does, I guess, what's the impact of diet culture like psychologically to us when we're when we're kind of waiting to try things on or waiting to look or feel a certain way before we we partake in an invitation.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

Yeah, such a great um way of introducing this toxic diet culture that we have going on, I think, in our day and age. And I think I'm speaking on it in that sense because diet culture is something that often ties in with our worth, right? And our um success or our achievement. To our body. And I think it really adds a lot of pressure to us measuring that. There have been many studies that, you know, show how chronic dieting is directly correlated with risks of other types of eating disorders or anxiety or just this overall sense of guilt. So there can be a lot of direct correlations because of our diet culture on our mental health. And I think again, somehow going back into this conversation about comparison, there's an unneeded pressure here, right? Diet cultures are also very um broad and can be subjective. So personal health is something that is characterized by how that person is and the way they carry themselves. So it can be very um disjointed in that way. And I think I think diet culture can also create a lot of um, I think diet culture can also create a lot of um lack of autonomy for kind of exploring and figuring out figuring out what does work for me individually. Um if you're following such a strict diet, we're not really able to explore or open up what works for us at an individual level that might be working better in a diet for a group of people, right? Um so going going more into like psychologically, I think it can create a lot of all or nothing thinking that you know, if I stick to this plan, then I can have all of this in due time. But if I don't, then it's kind of all lost, right? Um so yeah, I think it can definitely be very harmful. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_00 24:10

No, I agree. I think with like diet culture, there's also like exercise culture of like, you know, I think those sometimes can go hand in hand where we're like, oh, I'm going to reduce my calorie intakes, but then I'm gonna work out like crazy. Um, and sometimes there is that all or nothing thinking of like, you know, I need to work out every single day so that I can reach this, you know, goal that I have for myself. But I think, you know, with diet culture, that I don't okay, this is like where things get a little complicated because I think, you know, for um like for maybe people like our age, like I know this is something I experienced, like some of those messaging and the focus on diet culture comes from our parents or our moms. Um, and so that can sometimes then be something we observed and we witnessed. And now we're growing up, kind of feeling like this is the only way to practice like safe weight loss, quote unquote, like safe weight loss. Um, and then sometimes what I've heard in the therapy room is a lot of clients being like, well, I do want to lose weight, but now I'm having this message in my own head of like, no, you should just accept and love your body the way that it is. But they're like, so now I'm kind of stuck between these two places of like, you know, full acceptance. And then like, nope, you have to like only eat 500 calories and like, you know, go and on the treadmill like every day. And so it's kind of like this complicated place now to be in, where if there is this like intentional weight loss, but you know, that they're it's maybe not fully tied to what their body is gonna look like, but maybe it's more health, maybe it is a little bit tied to like, you know, what the body's actually gonna look like, they're confused and they're kind of like, that might be unhealthy. Like, what's happening? And so I guess like, you know, from seeing like the all or nothing thinking that can come from diet culture for us psychologically, like, can intentional weight loss and body acceptance coexist? Like, you know, where my clients are kind of like bouncing back and forth between these two kind of mindsets, it can be hard to kind of you know place this intentional weight loss while at the same time having body acceptance. So I guess, like, is that is that possible? Can that happen?

SPEAKER_03 26:32

I think as a as a shorter answer, yes. I think body acceptance doesn't really mean giving up on our goals entirely. I think the two biggest things to kind of reduce in the process of hitting those goals is how can I reduce my shame and my hatred, you know, that I have going on during this process too. Right. Because when we don't follow through with the diet, or when we don't follow through with just eating healthy for the day or for the week, we are hard on ourselves. And you know, that comes with the the piece of shame, right, that um that we know wraps up into our identity, right? And so if we can if we can kind of work on decreasing those emotions that come through too, then I think we can pursue healthier goals um by still, you know, offering ourselves that self-respect at every stage of hitting those goals. Right. And because we often talk about this in our in our therapy rooms with acceptance and commitment therapy, right? About how acceptance often creates more um long-term change, more sustainable change, because that shame level or that very loud volume in our head about shame, um it comes down, right? The more that we go into acceptance. Um and so if we kind of allow ourselves to fall into acceptance, I think it can, you know, help to decrease some of those um amplified thoughts, negative thought spirals that we have around our weight loss. Um there's I found this um quote on on my socials the other day on my page, um, and it said that uh you don't have to earn compassion through weight loss, right? That self-compassion and being giving ourselves grace or showing up for ourselves in that way does not mean that you are failing in any way, right? Um, but there's often this understanding that because I am um, you know, not who I'm quote unquote supposed to be or doing what I'm supposed to be doing, then you know, shame gets really loud and starts saying things.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Yeah. Yeah, I like that quote. And I think, you know, with what you said, um like there is hatred sometimes towards our bodies that is kind of what's driving the need for weight loss. So the diet culture, all of these things, but we can approach the same goal. So to lose weight, the mentality around it is is the big thing, right? When uh when we look at like movement and nutrition, that's coming from a place of care, not hatred. And so there can be, I think it's like, yeah, to answer like the original question, like you said yes, but it really does kind of come from the mental place of how are we talking to ourselves when we do this? Or, you know, a lot of the time it's um in diet culture, it can be punishment, like I don't deserve to eat this, like, you know, birthday cake because I didn't do well with my calorie intake this week or whatever it could be. So there is a lot more of that more negative place, and we're thinking that that's going to lead to positive motivation, but it actually doesn't. Um, or it can lead us more into that shame, like you mentioned. So I think yes, they can coexist. It just is kind of the mentality that we have around it. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:42

Um such a personal level of growth for myself, taking a look at this. Um, we need to show up for ourselves in a more compassionate way and you know, just be kinder to ourselves overall. I think I lived even for myself, I lived in this mindset of you know, not hitting my goals in the way I look, or even just being uncomfortable in my own body for a long time. And let me tell you, when that switch happens, you really feel it that I am no longer going to put myself down, right? And knowing that this is the only body I have, and um the headspace we live in is a headspace we live in more than any other space we live in for the entirety of our life. So, you know, please try and make sure that it can be as positive as possible for yourself, at least, if not for other relationships. Um just trying to carry myself forward as a way that I would look at my younger self, right? Yeah, and kind of playing that um childhood lens and what we do with c work with clients and kind of unpacking the way that she deserved to be treated is still the way that you deserve to be treated, right? And I'm not saying this is this is a switch that happens overnight, it takes a lot of um intention and it takes a lot of practice to be able to fill yourself with experiences that are more welcoming and more compassionate, um, but living on this side of it is a lot more calming and just more attuning to you know not just surviving and getting by, but just being comfortable and being okay with the way you carry yourself. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

I love that because yeah, I again I don't think there's one woman you might find that hasn't had some kind of experience with disliking their body or having some of those thoughts. And and I agree with you, our we're in our head our whole lives. Like that is let's try to make it a safe and cozy space for us to be in instead of such a critical uh hatred kind of place. But a lot of a lot of our mentality about ourselves and our body feels like it's all kind of you know things that we're experiencing for ourselves. But I think how we are kind of moving through life with some of our own body image issues or some limitations that we may put impact our relationships as well. Like we pointed out earlier, right? If we're feeling, you know, not good about maybe our belly or our arms or our legs or whatever, that can come up again in intimate moments with our partner. Um, it can also show up in our friendships in terms of the comparisons that we can make, the suggestions we may provide, or as we've also discussed, it can lead to canceling appointments, canceling get-togethers, all of these things that are going to then affect our relationships. Um yeah, how else can poor body image affect relationships and self-esteem?

SPEAKER_03 34:22

Yeah, very important to discuss this part of body image as well, because now this is impactful in other parts of your life, like you're sharing um, you know, relationships that we have with other people, not just the relationship we have with ourselves. Um, so yeah, like you mentioned, many people who um struggle with poor body image could potentially withdraw from social events, right? And try and avoid that um vulnerability um simply because usually the underlying core belief is that they are quote unquote not good enough, right? Um and so we see that it can of course affect the way that we communicate with others or the way that we um show up for others, right? But also it can really impact the emotional safety that we feel in a relationship, going back to the point of not wanting to be touched in a particular spot in our body and not feeling emotionally safe with the other person to do so. So not even on a physical level, right? We can have poor body image, but in an emotional and even mental level, right? All of these different layers can definitely add to that self-esteem. Um and I think some people tolerate some elf uh some of the unhealthy relationships they're in because self-worth really, really feels like it's tied to validation, right? So when someone's worth becomes appearance-based, relationships start feeling very performative, like I have to be a certain way or I have to look a certain way in order for this person to really like me or um you know, not leave me, the sense of feeling abandoned. So to keep up with that, it's almost like I can't show up as my authentic self. It has to be something like a performance, which I'm sure you can relate to professionally as well. We've seen this many times, um, even with our clients and some of the stories they have to share about their relationships.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

Yeah, and then it can kind of create this unauthenticity, like you're not able to be authentic anymore, or or what I've heard also actually like in and outside of the therapy room, even with some friends, is you know, like my partner's getting tired of me, or or my partner is saying that like I'm, you know, making them not feel good because I'm constantly asking for validation, or I'm making these comparisons out loud and they're not feeling good about the comparisons that I'm making. So it can it can impact relationships. I think even for folks who are dating or being intimate, it also does the same thing, right? We can become um like obsessive in comparison, we can maybe tune into one part of our bodies and really be vocal about the validation that we are needing from other people. Um, there can be a lot of body checking, plans being canceled. Um, avoiding photos is a big thing that I've heard, or feeling really good in the moment, then you somebody snaps a picture and then you see it later and you're just you know, that's all you can think about, and you kind of obsess over the photo. Um, that that can be really challenging, but there's just so many ways that it can impact um our relationships. I think underneath like the and something we've talked about, like the the shame, the you know disliking how our body looks, it all kind of goes to not feeling good enough. And so when we are feeling like we're not good enough, we might even feel like we're undeserving of love or a healthy relationship or or of confidence. Um, or we can start to not believe or question our partner or friends when they're telling us positive um feedback, right? When they're like, you look amazing, you look great, we might get very aggressive in telling them, like, no, we don't stop lying to me. And then that can create a lot of conflict with the people in our lives. So I do think, you know, even though we look at body image as it being just us, it actually has a lot of impact um with our surroundings, our environment, our community, our people. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

Yeah, no, for sure. I think um there's this behavior of being hyper-aware during intimacy when you're uh more focused on maybe some of that body image struggle, right? Instead of staying emotionally present with the experience of being intimate or whatever is happening in that in that place, it's I need to be hyper-aware of the way I'm presenting right now or the way that I appear. Um, am I slouching, right? Am I is my stomach in enough? Am I, you know, all of these different things. So again, like you said, we go up into our thoughts, right? And we kind of completely um disregard what's happening um presently with us. So yeah, I think that's it's it's like it happens in in on so many different levels for us, and so many external levels, that this topic is something that is so um deeply rooted in healing that, right? And coming out of that. And I think throughout this discussion, it's really important to also highlight that you know coming out of a negative body image for yourself is something that is not solely your responsibility, right? And a lot of the times we think as individuals it's all on us or it's all on our plate, taking in the pressure of societal beauty standards or you know, our own families' inputs of our bodies, or the way we've carried ourselves in our lifetime with them. I think we have to you know broaden that perspective of this isn't solely going to be fixed by just me, right? This is a this is a issue or a topic that needs many layers of support, right? So even if you're trying to, you know, better your mindset or have a positive body image for yourself, there are there also are you know your friends that are involved, your spouse or your partner that's involved, um, and all of these other things that can add to us kind of going on that healing journey. Just wanted to say that piece too.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Yeah, no, I appreciate that because I think that that that is so true. I think the people that we surround ourselves with also have an influence in how we view ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, how we think about ourselves. Um, yeah, it's very important who we surround ourselves with too. Um, but yeah, I guess as we're kind of moving into kind of okay, what do we do now kind of place, like what are some healthier ways for us to think about our bodies?

SPEAKER_03 42:01

Yes, let's get into what we can do about this now. Um and so I think I think the number one thing we can do is kind of allow ourselves, give ourselves the permission to shift from kind of like going from only thinking about your appearance to what do I actually give myself, provide myself other than looking the way I look? So questions like you know, what allows me to live, connect, move, and experience life? Rather than just focusing on appearance, we're kind of shifting to what is the function, right? What is it providing you, or what are you doing in your life that also adds to some of the values you carry for yourself? Um the other thing that is again very big in my practice um with clients is just being able to hold space for gratitude. Um and you know, I think we when we're very far on the comparison wagon, we sometimes let things fall through that we do have and we get to um celebrate or get to look at in a positive light. So I think gratitude is um is a healthier way we can you know think about our bodies. Um and the last thing is to look at our body image as a relationship we have with ourselves instead of um like a project that we need to work on, right? We are not projects, we are human beings, and we all carry a relationship with um ourselves. So um viewing ourselves in that relationship and wanting to grow in that relationship. And um grow in a healthier way rather than seeing it as something that you need to fix as a problem.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

Yeah. I love the gratitude. I use that a lot with clients, but more focused on like gratitude for body function. So like I'm grateful that these arms are, you know, here so I can hug my kids, so I can carry my kids, so I can hug my partner, you know, whatever it, whatever it is, you know, I'm thankful for my legs for getting me from one place to another. So sometimes kind of practicing the functionality of it, like you pointed out, instead of just the appearance and kind of just shift that perspective, um, perspective for us. But I think for a lot of people, jumping right straight to things that they love about their bodies can be really hard. And I think something important to remember that's more like body neutral is like you don't have to love every part of your body in order to respect yourself. Like, you know, Thursdays when I wake up and I'm not feeling the greatest, but there is, you know, at least one thing that I can say, I really, I really like my hair today, or I really like how I did my makeup, or I really like what I'm wearing. Um, and I'm not focusing in on the thing that, you know, maybe is bothering me. But I think it's I think it's unrealistic for us to say we have to love ourselves 100, like 24-7. That's there's gonna be moments, and that's okay, as long as you're, you know, compassionate with ourselves through it. Um, but no, I really like um kind of what you mentioned to terms of like how we can kind of shift perspective in terms of how we're talking to ourselves. Um, I think like we said, there's a lot of a parents-based self-worth. Um, how can we challenge when those kind of messages um internally come up for us?

SPEAKER_03 45:55

Yeah, I think uh something I want to share that I do on a personal level as well is kind of expand who I am as a human being, expand my quote-unquote identity um beyond what I look on the outside and my appearance, right? So values that we hold as human beings on an individual level can really um challenge some of those appearance-based self-worth beliefs that we have. So, yes, you know, I may I may look a certain way, but that doesn't take away from the values I hold around creativity or values I hold around humor, um, or you know, just the real resiliency that, you know, all of these wonderful women in our life carry. So I think, you know, taking a taking a step back and expanding the way you perceive yourself is huge. Um and also like I've been doing this more, um I've been doing this more of a practice where I will offer compliments that are not appearance focused and more, you know, character focused or value focused. And so it's also like I am, you know, in that practice of offering others this um challenge of, hey, I want to point out something that's not your appearance, right? Um, and I think that just allows me to expand living in that perspective and mindset. Um I think it goes back to this quote that I found, it went something like, what I believe a loved one's worth is dependent on their size, right? And kind of pointing that back at myself that would I love my best friend or would I love one of my cousins differently because she looked different, right? And the answer is no, and kind of using that same dialogue with ourselves too, and challenging some of those negative core beliefs that come into play. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:12

I like that redirect again, it's a redirect, right? Like, how would you talk to your friend? Like, what would you what would you think in this way? And I think I guess that's one way to kind of look at our negative thoughts when they start spiraling, you know, kind of like really see like what is this something that you would say to a good friend? Um, you know, how how would we feel if a friend was saying this to us or whatever it could be? But what are some other things people can do when those negative thoughts are really feeling heavy and spiraling?

SPEAKER_03 48:46

Um yeah, I think the most important thing is to be more aware that those negative thoughts or spirals are happening. Um, our our first line of work is always increasing that sense of awareness for folks. If we don't know that it's even happening, then we have very little wiggle room to change it or shift it in any way. Um so I'm sure you've all heard this before, but if you haven't, it's more of a how can I just pause, right? Um, because when we do spiral and we're all up, you know, in the tornado of our thoughts, it happens very fast. It happens in a blink of an eye. And I think if we can take a moment to pause um and kind of walk ourselves through the thought instead of like wrapping ourselves up in the thought or completely believing the thought, it can allow us to, you know, take some space between a thought and how we want to show up or that feeling that's about to come in. Um and also because we're talking about body image, I think it falls in perfectly really focusing on your body sensations and cues, more going into somatic practices here, but um things like just things like being more aware of how does my body react when I'm activated or when I'm overwhelmed, or how do I perceive myself? What do I say to myself when I don't hit a goal or when I look in the mirror, right? And I think tapping into our body allows us to reconnect in that way that some of us don't like to connect with our bodies because of that uncomfortableness that we feel, right? Um and something I often say to myself a lot of the times that is that um our all of our thoughts are not facts, right? So it's it's very important, even talking about body image, because we are so easily convinced or believed you know, by the things that we say, because we're taking it from external factors like we talked about social media or other platforms. Um so that influence is very great already. So I think kind of pausing and grounding ourselves in our bodies and also just taking a moment to um reflect back if that thought was actually true, right? Is that a fact, or is this thought just a thought going through my head and I don't have to catch it?

SPEAKER_00 51:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Sometimes we need to give ourselves those reminders, like that redirection. I don't need to catch this thought. I can just kind of hold it, let it go. Um, it is a lot easier said than done. So please be patient with yourself. This is new, it's new kind of wiring that we kind of have to practice if if we've been kind of just stuck in this negative spiral of thinking. It's gonna take a little bit of time for us to kind of practice some of the some of the tools to kind of have more compassion towards ourselves or to see things a little bit differently. Um but I think a lot of people kind of, you know, this was me at one point, like put our lives on pause, waiting to feel better about ourselves physically. So, like when I'm when I feel really good about myself, then I can do this, or then I will be happy. And really, all it does is just keeps us from experiencing things because life is still happening while we wait, like memories, relationships, like you know, happiness, all of these things are happening now, not you know, 10, 20 pounds from now. So I think it's really important to kind of just be in the moment and you know, practice that gratitude, like we talked about. Um but yeah, I think like as we head into the summer, um, just you know, taking a little break, kind of pausing, like you said, listening to ourselves, practicing some of that self-compassion. But I guess like for folks who maybe don't practice self-compassion right now, like how can people use self-compassion the summer?

SPEAKER_03 53:27

Yeah, great tool, great tool, especially for things like um body images. Um, and so the first thing that we kind of talked about was um this understanding of the way you speak to yourself, right? Um and we we say this in therapy world as speak to someone, sorry, speak to yourself as you would be speaking to someone you deeply care about, which we just talked about. And I think we use that notion because we know that we are so engraved the other way, right? That we are so down on ourselves and so hard on ourselves that we can't see ourselves in that light yet, right? So, can we use that tool of maybe if you don't think about it, think about it as yourself and replace that person as someone you deeply care about, you know, kind of going into IFS here and parts work, but you know, can we do some of that work to bring out positivity in you, right? And and use that tool. Um, and you know, I think kind of challenging ourselves in a way that I'm also doing is you know, wearing clothes that fit our current bodies, you know, and and um showing up as we are, right? And instead of like you said, kind of earning or waiting to to wear them or be in them, we just show up, right? A part of accepting that this is who I am now, right? And I'm learning to be okay with it. But the learning is only done when we are kind of going into exposure and doing that for us, right? So something that I will also be following this summer, you know, not throwing out the old clothes and you know, getting on my laptop and doing some shopping, but trying to just slow down and accept my body how it is, and also like continue working on it, right? We can be a work in progress and masterpiece at the same time. A very famous quote, I'm sure we all know. Um yeah, and like amazing quote. Sorry, so many quotes today, but I just wanted to also share this one. I found uh specifically on body image, um, that you are allowed to take up space in summer exactly as you are. Um beautifully put, and sometimes we do need to give ourselves that permission that we haven't for a very long time.

SPEAKER_00 56:10

Yeah, yeah. And I'm gonna share a quote also, since we're sharing quotes on the podcast, not gonna lie, with Kylie Kelsey. She brought up a really good point. I guess maybe it's not a quote. Um, but something she said was like, nobody knows the size that you're wearing. They just see it on you, right? Like the size of our clothing is on the inside, it's not visible to anyone else. So it doesn't matter what size you're wearing, because the clothing is meant to fit our bodies, not the other way around. Um, and so buy the pants that fit you, regardless of the size. You'll feel more comfortable and cozy in them instead of like squeezing into a size that is too small just because we're worried about the number. So yeah, I loved, I love that message um on that on that podcast, but I really like your message too. It's just, yeah, we just need to be a little, a little nicer to ourselves and practice some of the things. And like you said, we're all a work in progress. I know I have to remind myself of some of these things also as we kind of just move through it. Um, but are there any final messages that you want to give to someone, maybe one of our listeners who are struggling with body image right now?

SPEAKER_03 57:27

Yes, I did. Um, just want to end off by, you know, sharing that if you are struggling with any of the topics that we discussed today in the podcast, we want you to know that there is support for you always and that you are not alone in this. Um, Yvonne and I have shared many personal experiences with body image, even for ourselves. Um, so please reach out if we can be that support for you. Um, and we have also linked many of our resources in this podcast for you to also take a look at.

SPEAKER_00 58:03

Yeah, on the show notes. So we'll also have Amrit's information. You are accepting new clients right now, is that right?

SPEAKER_03 58:11

Yes, I am accepting new clients in person in Waterloo and virtually all over Ontario. So if you are interested to book a consultation and have a chat, please reach out. Um, you can follow me on my social media page on Instagram called Regulate and Relate. And I post more therapy-related content on that page. So follow along if you're interested.

SPEAKER_00 58:43

Yeah, we'll have, like I said, all of that's going to be in the show notes. So it's a quick click and follow for everyone. But I hope you are all gentle with yourselves this summer. Um, you know, just focus on the memories, being there, enjoying all of the things um that the summer has to bring you. And Amrit, thank you so much for such an honest conversation and a lot of amazing quotes that you shared with us. Um, thank you to everyone listening. Thank you so much for being here and supporting us through season two. I can't believe we have two seasons down now. Um, and we will be back in the fall with season three. Uh, we already have some um guests lined up for that. So I'm excited for you um to kind of get a chance to listen to that in the fall. This summer, um, I'm there's a little bit of traveling happening for me. Um, so I hope, you know, to share a little bit of that through our social media pages on Outside the Therapy Room Pod and at New Moon Counseling KW. Um, so feel free to follow those to kind of tune into what I'm doing this summer. Um, and again, thank you all so much for being here. Can't come, can't wait to come back for season three. But until then, thank you so much. Take care, um, mentally, emotionally, physically, all the ways, and we will talk to you soon.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:09

Thanks so much, Amhert. Thanks so much, Ron. Everyone, take good care, and we'll see you next time. Have a good summer.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:19

This podcast is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. If you reside in Ontario and are interested in working with one of our therapists, please visit our website in the show notes. If you reside outside of Ontario, a quick Google search or search for psychology today will help you find a therapist near you.